


tangled up in you

by brokenhighways



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cynicism, Friends With Benefits, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-06
Updated: 2012-02-06
Packaged: 2017-10-30 16:35:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/333781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>summary:  Jensen's never really believed in fate, hell all of that happily ever crap is bullshit to him. To him the entire concept of having a soul mate was just a made up fantasy by some old, lonely guy because all of the guys he seemed to date were jerks. He wouldn't share a cab ride with them, let alone the rest of his life and when his latest relationship goes south he vows never to date again. Jensen however doesn't count on one Jared Padalecki worming his way into his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tangled up in you

**Author's Note:**

> written for anon_fan.

 

                                                                                                   

  
  
                                                                   [](http://pics.livejournal.com/brokenhighways/pic/00002d5e/)  
  
Jensen's never really believed in fate, hell all of that happily ever crap is bullshit to him. To him the entire concept of having a soul mate was just a made up fantasy by some old, lonely guy because all of the guys he seemed to date were jerks. He wouldn't share a cab ride with them, let alone the rest of his life and when his latest relationship goes south he vows never to date again.  Jensen however doesn't count on one Jared Padalecki worming his way into his life. It all begins when Chris moves out to go on tour with his band and Jensen finds himself getting annoyed because it's extremely short notice. It's a four room apartment and they need another person to take the vacated room or their rent will go up. His other two roommates Lauren and Katie cry off when it comes to finding someone so Jensen is left with the task of find an adequate roommate. And so maybe he is the pickiest one and the most uptight out of the three of them, but he doesn't want to spend the next three months living with some crazy person, thank you very much. The first person who inquires about the room works for a symphony orchestra and she hands Jensen a detailed plan of when she practises, which by the look of things is every fucking waking minute of every fucking day. The second person wearing an outfit consisting solely of the colour pink and has a hello kitty handbag. Needless to say, he shreds and bins her details the second the door slams behind her. The third person is some dude who's right eye twitches visibly in the creepiest manner possible. He goes through at least seven more applicants before Katie gets tired of his whining and takes over. She promptly finds someone that same day and Jensen is secretly dreading it.  
  
"Don’t look at me like that" she says as he quizzes her relentlessly about the new guy. Jared Pala-something, "it's not my fault that your standards are ridiculously high". Jensen just slinks off and sends a stupid message to his ex via Facebook while he pouts. It’s late when this Jared guy finally shows up, not that Jensen cares when he catches a glimpse of the man. He's fucking built, with a huge chest concealed by the most ridiculously awesome plaid shirt Jensen has ever seen. He's a few inches taller than Jensen and he has shaggy, soft looking chocolate, brown hair that Jensen really wants to run his hands through. As Jensen darts forwards to help out with a suitcase he catches a glimpse of Jared's face and can't help blurting out,  
"Dude, you look like shit" Jared just blinks at him and doesn't reply so Jensen just shrugs and takes the suitcase to Jared's room. The man should probably get used to Jensen's general bluntness and cattiness.  
"That's Jensen," he hears Lauren say in her strong British accent; "He's kind of an arsehole". Jensen just shrugs to himself because he kinda is. And he knows he's been worse since his ex dumped him, but right now it's still too raw and he's still pretty angry about the whole situation.  
  
It turns out that the reason Jared is moving in is that he split up with his girlfriend three weeks ago.  
"I just don't know what I did wrong" he says for the millionth time and Jensen rolls his eyes as Lauren and Katie shower him with sympathy and Jared's mountain of Kleenex gets even bigger. It's not that he doesn't feel for the guy, hell his ex-girlfriend sounds like a bitch (not that Jensen says that out loud) but sitting around crying about it isn't going to help. To make matters worse it turns out that Jared's ex is attempting to make it in the music industry. He plays them a sound bite on his phone and Jensen feels a part of him die inside. It sounds like some sort of mash up of Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus with a side of fucking awful. Katie gives him warning look as they're listening to it, so he doesn't say word. Though, if he was going to say anything it'd be that Jared is better off without her. Cause Lord knows that lying to her about her lack of talent would require patience and copious amounts of alcohol. Jared tells them the whole sordid story again and Jensen just zones out as he checks Jared out discreetly, even though his eyes are red and his face is tear stained there's no denying the fact that he is smoking hot. His eyes are kind of catlike and Jensen can't make out what colour they are - a sea of greens and blues and hazel specks - but they're pretty mesmerising and-Jensen stops that line of thought right there. He doesn't like this Jared guy or his stupid hair. And he's definitely not going to fall for him.  
  
Later on, Lauren and Katie insist that Jared pick a DVD to watch so they can all start their roommate bonding or whatever. Jensen just sighs when Jared picks "Dirty Dancing" because really? He loves Patrick Swayze as much as the next person but he's seen it far too many times. Katie gives him a stern look before he can comment and he just sighs and takes out his phone and tries to beat the next level of _Angry Birds_. About three minutes later, Jared who's on the couch with him shifts closer. Jensen tries to ignore the way his stomach flutters when he feels Jared's warmth brushing against his arm. It's not like Jared's even ready to date again and Jensen has no intention of ever dating again so it would never work between them.  
"What level are you on?" Jared asks and Jensen turns to answer him but before he can, Katie screams and he looks up to see that Dirty Dancing has morphed into something that looks suspiciously like...The Human Centipede. Jared grumbles something as his face flushes, his expression conveying the fact that he's obviously embarrassed. He whips out his phone and is soon yelling at someone named Chad as Katie and Lauren continue to watch the scene unfolding on the screen in front of them. The whole thing is just so hilariously ridiculous that once Jensen feels laughter bubbling up in his chest he can't keep it in any longer. He starts laughing out loud, his chest heaving up and down as he goes from one fit of laughter to the next. Jared turns to frown at him before his face breaks out into a smile and soon he's laughing too.  
  
Jensen isn't laughing anymore when the Wii controller ends up embedded into the TV screen two weeks later after a unnecessarily over competitive game of Wii Tennis. Jared has fit into their lives pretty seamlessly and while Jensen has no problem with him, Jared is the biggest klutz he's ever lived with. No, scratch that - the biggest klutz he's ever been within two feet of. There have been smashed plates, mugs and bizarrely he'd managed to trample on Jensen's glasses. Yet, Jensen can't bring himself to yell at him the way he would do if it was anyone else. In fact he's so pathetic that he actually finds it endearing.  Jensen chooses not to dwell on this because a. It doesn't mean anything and b. Not even Lauren and Katie can resist the freaking puppy dog eyes. Which Jared is taking full advantage of as he stares at Jensen meekly. Katie is standing behind Jared and she mock whispers,  
"Is there steam coming out of his ears yet?" and Jensen aims a glare in her direction. He's not a hothead, he just has a low tolerance for stupidity and bullshit and people getting in the way of his Thursday night TV routine of The Vampire Diaries and The Mentalist. It's the one guilty pleasure that he indulges in, the only one and its 7pm and looking increasingly unlikely.  
"I have a TV," Jared says uncertainly when Jensen doesn't say a word, "Back at my old apartment". Jensen just shrugs as if to say 'so what?' as he slumps down on the couch. Maybe he can find a live feed. Though Simon Baker is best viewed on Jensen's 40 inch flat screen TV.    
  
"I haven't been back there since we broke up, half of my stuff is in there, and this will be a good opportunity to get it all" Jared says wistfully. And he sounds so lost that Jensen takes pity on him.  
"Well then let's go and get your stuff". Katie just smirks at him with a knowing look on her face.  
  
They are in Jensen's truck and on their way to Jared's old place when Jared turns around and starts watching Jensen. Jensen feels his face heating up but he doesn't break the silence. Jared speaks up eventually.  
"I can't figure you out" he says and Jensen frowns as he stops at a red light.  
"Why do you want to?" he asks and Jared shrugs and replies,  
"Well, if we're going to be living with each other then I'd like to get to know you".  
"I'm the resident asshole, what more do you need to know" Jensen doesn't like the way Jared is looking at him, like he can see right inside Jensen. Like all the walls Jensen put up aren't even keeping Jared out.  
"It's green ” Jared says, and the moment is broken.  
  
By the time they get to Jared's apartment he's visibly anxious and Jensen offers to go in with him. Jared starts to say no before he stops and looks at Jensen thoughtfully. His eyes are sort of blue-green now and Jensen berated himself for noticing. Jared and he are roommates and nothing else. It's all uncomplicated and platonic.  
"You're not asking just to be nice are you?" Jared asks and Jensen frowns,  
"No, I asked because I don't want this day to end with you breaking two TV's" he says honestly and Jared just laughs. Together they get out of the truck and make their way to door and Jensen rolls his eyes as Jared raises his hand to knock. He doesn't say anything though and the door opens and a short, brunette appears in the doorway. Her smile drops when she sees that it's Jared and Jensen bites back the snide remark that’s on the tip of his tongue.  
"What do you want Jared?" she asks impatiently and Jensen gives her a dark look. She narrows her eyes at him and Jensen smirks and throws his arm around Jared and says,  
"We’re here to get Jared's things". She tells them to wait there and shuts the door on them and Jensen can't help the flare of anger that rises up inside of him.  
"Jay, come on," he says as he removes his arm, "You need to man up and get over this hold she has over you." Jared doesn't say a word he just stares at the shut door hopelessly and Jensen finds himself regretting this whole thing. Being caught up in the middle of someone else's break up is not his idea of fun.  
"You're right, Jen" Jared rummaging around in his pocket suddenly as Jensen is repeating 'Jen' in his head, and did he call Jared - Jay? Crap. Before Jensen can start psycho analysing this, Jared darts forward and opens the door with his own key. He beckons Jensen in and Jensen follows Jared into what Jensen assumes is the living room. He watches as Jared takes in the sight of Sandy on some other guys lap and laughs bitterly before he walks over to the TV and yanks out the plug.  
"Hey, I was watching that!" the man says and Jensen grins as Jared tells him to shut the fuck up. Sandy has to herd the guy - Tom or Tim - out of the room and Jared stops abruptly.  
"I have to see him every single day, god I'm sick of his face" he murmurs and Jensen pulls face. Jared is an English teacher at the local school so he can see how things would be awkward, "He teaches gym". Jensen nods and doesn't realise that he's rubbing Jared's back soothingly until someone clears their throat behind them.  
"For someone who's taking this break up hard you sure are moving on pretty fast" she snorts and Jensen feels his heart break a little when he's the crestfallen look on Jared's face.  
"Why don't you keep it buttoned?" he snaps and Jared grabs his arm and leans close. Too close. Jensen can feel certain parts of himself getting excited but he does his best to remain neutral.  
"I got this" he says and Jensen feels something akin to pride coursing through him. Strictly _platonic_ pride of course. Jared turns to Sandy a d gives her a stern look. Jensen thinks that Jared just looks like a really angry puppy and he does his best to hide the goofy smile threatening to break out on his face.  
"You have two weeks. Two weeks to clear your shit out of my apartment - you can keep all the stupid things that I gave you, hell sell it on eBay for all I care, but I want this place spotless in exactly two weeks" he says in a cool tone and Jensen mentally cheers Jared on. Sandy gapes for what seems like a lifetime before she eventually splutters,  
"You can't do that!"  
"Get packing sweetheart!" Jensen can't help running his mouth off because he's never been one to shy away from drama.  
"You won't be laughing when he fucks you over!" she goes from confused to livid so fucking quickly that Jensen is momentarily surprised. Jared looks kind of deflated and well Jensen doesn't know why he does it but he grabs Jared and yanks him down for a kiss. It's meant to be for show and just a brush of lips but Jensen finds himself getting lost in Jared as their tongues tangle languidly. when they break apart Jensen is a little breathless as he speaks up once more, Jared looks startled and he opens his mouth to possibly ask Jensen what the fuck that was but before he can, Jensen blurts out,  
"Don't blame your shortcomings on Jared, sweetheart just because he's twice the person you'll ever be" in the smoothest tone he can manage. And with that he moves forwards and starts to gather up the cables hanging loosely at the back of the TV. It's on a stand so he just rolls it out of the room after sharing a look with Jared. Truthfully he just needs to get out of the room for a while. His heart is still beating rapidly and his lips are still tingling from the kiss he and Jared just shared. In fact, Jensen would like to know why he freaking just kissed Jared Padalecki. When the answer doesn't come instantly he proceeds to repeat 'bad idea' over and over in his head.  
  
By the time he returns inside, Tom or Tim is lying on the floor with an increasingly angry looking red bruise on his right cheek as Jared looms over him, he's just in time to hear Jared say,  
"Don't you ever speak about Jensen like that again!" Jensen can't help the swoop of...something that floats through his chest. But he's not a fucking damsel in distress,  
"What's going on?" he asks and Jared looks up and blinks, as if he's only just noticed that he's there. They leave and they manage to fit the television info the trunk. As they get in to the truck Jared shoots Jensen a puzzled frown,  
"Why did you kiss me?" he asks and Jensen shrugs as he starts up his truck.  
"It was just a spur of the moment thing, I probably had no right to do that" he replies, "But surely it was worth it just to see the look on her face!" Jared chuckles and shakes his head and Jensen suddenly feels a little insecure. He's not used to feeling this way, Jensen doesn't do insecurities. Not since he realised that law school wasn't working out for him, so he dropped out and ended up on his parent’s shit list. They're a waste of time and energy; he'd rather shrug and move on than spend forever procrastinating about something small and irrelevant.    
"I'm not an awful kisser am I?" he tries to make it sound like he's teasing him but the obvious seriousness of his question is apparent and Jared looks momentarily surprised,  
"No," he replies, "I'm still kind of dazzled by it actually. Are you sure you're a real human being?" Jensen laughs.  
  
:::::::  
  
  
Jared breaks down halfway through the journey home. Jensen isn't surprised really, he's learnt that if Jared isn't talking your ear off then he's either annoyed or fed up. It kinda scares him how well he knows Jared's quirks and habits already. Lord knows that he's never gelled thus quickly with any of his other roommates before. It was three months before he'd had his first full conversation with Katie, possibly longer than that with Lauren. But as Jared cries Jensen finds that he actually cares about this stupid Sasquatch riding shotgun with him. So naturally, he fucks it all up.  
  
He parks his truck on an empty side street and roots around in his glove compartment for some Kleenex as Jared sobs quietly. He winces when he sees that Jared's knuckles are bruised from when he hit that jackass Tim. Or Tom, whatever. He taps Jared gently so he can a. Give him the tissues and b. Examine his hand but instead he ends up with an armful of Padalecki. He can't help tightening his arms around Jared protectively and he realises just how screwed he is.  
"It's going to be okay buddy" he finds himself murmuring soothingly as he strokes Jared's silky hair. Jared's hair smells like mango and something else and Jensen can't stop himself from breathing in the scent.  Eventually Jared pulls himself together but he doesn't move out of Jensen's arms.  
"You're not an asshole" Jared mumbles eventually and Jensen snorts.    
  
"Finally got me all figured out?" he teases and Jared chuckles softly, the sound reverberating through Jensen's body. His voice trembles slightly even though he's smiling as he says it and he kind of hates that he's letting Jared in. But it feels good to just strip away his hard exterior for once; he knows that Jared won't hurt him. Not on purpose anyway. Jensen likes to think that he's a rationalist when it comes to relationships. Realistically you're going to get hurt at any point, ideally it'll be sunshine and roses and tales of happily ever after. Well fuck idealism. And that's the problem. Jared isn't cynical, he's not even bitter he's just genuinely upset. It feels like a knife to Jensen's heart somehow, that Jared is still this warm, bouncy giant who's still so full of life whereas Jensen feels like an empty shell that is hollow inside.  
  
Why is it that Jared has managed to keep his natural exuberance while Jensen fights hard to just give a shit about anything? Except Jared, he doesn't know why but seeing Jared hurt...it hurt him too. That's not who he is, he's not supposed to care. It's scary and frustrating at the same time.  
"Thanks Jensen," Jared says after a while, "For coming, even though you missed your shows".  
"No problem" Jensen replies easily, "S'what friends are for". Friends. The word makes it's a way around the corners and crevasses of Jensen's mind as he drives them home. He keeps expecting Jared to ask about the kiss that went on for too long, so he can laugh it off. So he can start constructing all of his walls. But Jared doesn't, he just shoots Jensen a small smile that has Jensen's insides doing cartwheels. He feels himself falling harder and tries to figure out when he fell in the first place.  
\----  
Shit hits the fan three weeks later during Jensen's evening shift at the bar. Jared is there, sitting on his stool. Or well the stool at the end of the bar. It's insane because if it was Katie, Lauren or anyone else he'd tell them to fuck off. But it's Jared, he doesn't get annoyed by his presence yet and hell, he enjoys the company. It may sound like nothing but everyone has at least one feature that annoys Jensen to the extreme. Katie's never ending hoard of hair products, Lauren's cute yet irritating accent, Chris' tendency to chew really fucking loudly. Jensen finds Jared's babbling cute, he thinks that Jared's stupid hair is gorgeous; he hasn't been able to find a single fault yet. Which is ridiculous, it's most likely a subconscious thing. Maybe he's thinking with his dick instead of his brain. But anyway, Jared is chattering away about his 7th graders or something when some drunk dude starts harassing a few of the patrons. The guy is a repeat offender and Jensen just snaps.  
  
A burst of anger slams into him and he throws down his bar-cloth and moves to get out from behind the bar so he can confront the fucking jackass. But before he gets anywhere a warm hand grabs onto his hand and he looks up to see Jared staring at him intently. Jensen opens his mouth to ask Jared what he's doing but his captivated by Jared's heated gaze. It turns him on and makes him feel uneasy at the same time so he squirms until Jared let's go and he frowns and asks,  
"What?" in an irritated tone and Jared just looks at him and shrugs before he bursts into a story about one of his students who is obsessed with vampires and how if he has to grade one more vampire essay he's going to go freaking insane. In fact Jared is so successful at distracting Jensen that it hits him later on, three hours and another bar later he's just finished telling Jared about how everyone has been on his case since he dropped out of law school.  
"Mark said that he needed stability, said that-that tending the bar was for losers," he's saying, "'M a loser"  
"You're not a loser" Jared protests as he knocks back another shot wincing as it trickles down this throat, "Least he told you straight - Sandy was so bored that she started fucking Welling! I mean...he's a moron with tiny--tiny brain cells....stupid". Jensen sighs as the buzz of the alcohol runs through him. They're pretty smashed and deep down he knows that they should head home and sleep it off but he can't stop the words from tumbling out,  
"Wish I had a guy like you, you wouldn't leave me...” Jared's eyes are glassy as he stares at Jensen for a long moment; the air between them is tensed and charged.  
"I wouldn't leave" he says finally and Jensen gives him a lopsided grin. Briefly he considers rounding things up and calling a cab to take them home but when Jared launches into another story he finds that there's nowhere else he'd rather be.  
  
He regrets it immensely the next day. He can hear the person whose arms he’s currently encased in snoring softly and he tenses. He brought someone home? He's no stranger to random hook-ups, hell there's been a few since the breakup but after last time he'd vowed to sort himself out before he did it again. Even so he usually stuck to bathrooms or their place; he hardly ever brought anyone back here. He shifts around to get a look at who it is and freezes instantly. Jared. He slept with Jared. As if this revelation has triggered something inside of his brain, memories start to filter through.  
  
/////  
  
When they reach the apartment, they're still in their inebriated state with a bottle of tequila to boot. The lights are off and Katie and Lauren are asleep so they shuffle into Jensen’s room and flop down to his bed. They’re facing each other and all Jensen can see is sadness in Jared's eyes and he wants to be the one to remove it. Blink and they're kissing sloppily, tongues tangling lazily as their lips are pressed tight together. Blink. Now they've progressed onto fitting against each other, their shirts nowhere to be seen. He can feel Jared pressing light feathery kisses to his chest as their denim clad erections collide. Blink. They're naked now and all Jensen can see is miles and miles of tan skin stretched over taut muscles. Blink. Well let's just say that Jared's mouth is extremely talented. Blink. Jared is pounding into him with slow, lazy thrusts as Jensen keens softly and---Jensen gets the fucking picture. He shakes his head gently as he tries to drag himself out of the memory.  
  
Shit.  
  
"Mmm, you're awake" Jared mumbles as he shifts closer to Jensen and Jensen allows it for a brief moment before he pulls away. He reaches forward tuck a stray hair behind Jared's ear and murmurs,  
"We need to talk". And of course Katie chooses that moment to barge in. She starts to say something before she realises that Jensen is not alone. She sort of squeals and Jensen winces.  
"Do you mind?" he grumbles, "You're making my hangover worse".  
"Please," Katie replies, "you're just bitchy because I caught you". Jensen doesn't answer her because she's right. Now he can't really ask Jared to pretend that it never happened. not that it'll stop him. He glares at her until she gets the hint and leaves. Jared is quiet and Jensen bites back a snort, so he can shut up when he wants to.  
"So, guess we drank a lot more than we should have" Jared says eventually. Jensen just nods but leaves it at that. He wants to ask Jared to leave in the nicest way possible because he doesn't want to hurt the guy. This thing that they have is going nowhere not now that they've screwed it up. Jensen won't be a rebound for anyone, nor does he want to inflict the same fate onto Jared so it's better that they end this now.  
  
Once Jared leaves his room (after an awkward fifteen minutes where Jensen ignored all of his questions and attempts to start a conversation) he huddles down under the covers and spends the whole day dozing on and off. When it reaches 10pm he drags himself over to the shower and calls his buddy Mike and agrees to meet him at a bar across town. Jared's nowhere to be seen when he's leaving and Jensen hates that he's so relieved. Within twenty minutes of grabbing a seat Mike has weaselled  out the whole sorry story from him somehow and is currently looking at Jensen in disbelief.  
"So you just kicked him out?" Mike asks slowly, "Even after the whole debacle with his ex-girlfriend?!" hearing Mike say it loud just makes him feel worse and he slumps down future into his seat. He's such an asshole. Mike let's him stay at his place for a few days and it's only when Jared texts him to tell him that he's going to get the key from Sandy that he goes back. He's just turning onto the street their apartment complex is on when he sees Jared pulling out of the driveway. He considers backing up and hiding behind a bush or something but knows that it would be wrong of him to leave Jared in the lurch now after that show he put on in front of Jared's girlfriend. He darts forward and waves his hand as Jared looks his way. Jared brings his car to a halt and Jensen jogs over and climbs in.  
"Need a ride?" Jared says easily as if Jensen hasn't been avoiding him for days now.  
"Uh, no - you're going to your old apartment right? Thought I'd come with you, as your friend of course".  
"Wait, is that why you've been hiding away, because we slept together?" the fact that Jared has apparently already dismissed it as something unimportant startles Jensen and before he can answer Jared continues,  
"Look, we were drunk and we hooked up - and I get that you don't want to start anything, I know I'm a big, stupid idiot but I get it and I was pissed at first but I understand why you pushed me away". Jensen thinks about confessing, telling Jared the real reason why he did what he did but he decides not to. Not yet anyway, not until he's sorted himself out.  
"I'm sorry, you know, for everything". Jared just smiles at him as he turns in the direction of the main road.  
"It's not like either of us are ready to start dating again anyway" Jared says distantly and Jensen sighs. Of course they aren't.  
  
~~~  
Not dating however, turns out to mean that he and Jared keep hooking up. It's not a verbal arrangement or anything, it just keeps on happening. Jared meets him at the bar - usually three hours before his shift on Friday ends. They get wasted, fuck each other and act as though it never happened. The sex is good and there are no hang ups, he and Jared still get along awesomely so everything is perfect. Until Jensen and his stupid never ending stream of thoughts messes everything up. They're sitting on Jared's bed watching a rerun of Friends on Jared's tiny portable television, or well Jared has his head lying on Jensen's chest as they lie on Jared's bed but there's no real difference.  It's intimate and so _them_ , that Jensen can't help wondering why they're beating around the bush, maybe they should do this for real. It's an unnerving thought to have and he can't help untangling himself from Jared. Jared shifts and looks up at him with a frown. Like he knows that Jensen is freaking out internally somehow and that only freaks Jensen out even more.  
"what are we doing?" he asks, nervousness evident in his tone. Jared blinks up at him and then pushes himself up so that he's facing Jensen,  
"Uh, watching TV together" he replies. Jensen sighs as he flings an arm out and gestures between the two of them,  
"No - this" he says inn-eloquently and realisation hits Jared's face. There's another emotion mixed in there that Jensen can't read but he ignores it in favour of having this conversation out. He tries to file it away though so he can ask Jared later on but is distracted by trying to broach the subject in the most delicate way  
"What is this some sort of friends with benefits deal?" he blurts out and Jared shrugs, it's too forced and Jensen wonders what he's missed. He can usually read Jared like a book but right now, he can't figure him out.  
"I just don't think we should continue doing this - I don't want to hurt you Jared, and - if we carry on like this it could ruin our friendship and...I'd really hate that". Jared doesn't say anything at first he just nods and shoots Jensen a small smile. Jensen quirks an eyebrow and Jared shrugs again and says,  
"You're right I suppose", he pauses and looks straight into Jensen's eyes, "Better that we end this now, before it messes up - you're my best friend, I'd like to keep it that way. Fast forward an hour later and Jared's buried balls deep inside him as Jensen calls out his name. Jensen just thinks of it as "we're-no-longer-fuckbuddies-goodbye-sex" even when it feels as though Jared's holding him tighter than usual as they lay there afterwards.

 

~*~  
  
  
  
They're driving home from dinner when it happens.  In fact Jensen isn't even paying a lot of attention, he's thinking about the phone call that he had with Chris a day earlier,  
"Katie said that you've met someone - Jared?" Chris says and Jensen frowns,  
"Uh, Jared is my roommate - he took your old room, maybe she's mistaken".  
"Stage 1; a faked attempt at ignorance" Chris replies and Jensen rolls his eyes, "So you didn't give a talk at the school about college when he asked you too, you didn't go to the zoo with him, you've not been NOT going to the movies on your own. Oh and you haven't already slept with him – more than once"  
"Okay, first of all the college talk was a favour! And my experience is still worth knowing about! Secondly, he needed a chaperone on that trip to the zoo and hey, so I've been to see a few movies with him because he's good company, it doesn’t mean I'm in LOVE with him!" the second the words leave his mouth, Jensen regrets it.  
"Stage 2: Denial" Chris says but before he can recall the rest of the call Jared slams the breaks hard and Jensen's phone is jolted out of the memory. Before he can voice any questions Jared practically jumps out of the car and darts in front of it. Jensen watches through the windscreen as he picks up something that resembles a ball of fur. As he continues to watch he sees that it's a stray dog, he doesn't know what kind because he's never been much of a dog person. It hits him as he watches the small puppy being engulfed by Jared's huge arms and he can see the mix of adoration and concern on Jared's face. A wave of emotion slams into him and it's lime he's drowning, it overwhelms and surprises him but somehow it feels right. He's sitting here watching this man and really, there's nowhere else he'd rather be.  
  
He's in love with Jared.  
Stage 3, he imagines Chris saying, Realisation.  
  
:::::  
  
The worst thing about realisation is that everything changes. Things that are normal for him start to become just more signs of just how much his and Jared's lives are intertwined. Like when he gets up, Jared's always up already handing Jensen his standard mug of black coffee before he makes his way to the shower. He leans into the quick bear hugs that Jared gives him before he leaves and that really stumps Jensen for a good ten minutes because he does not in any circumstance HUG people (at least not by choice).  
  
Things take another unforeseen twist when Katie and Lauren catch him watching a Jersey Shore rerun.  
"Ew, I thought we'd forbidden this show!" atie says as she flops down next to Jensen on the couch, her arm sprawled all over him. He glares at her until she moves and she just pouts and shakes her head fondly.  
"it's compelling TV" Lauren says absently as she flips through a magazine. Only then does Jensen remember that she's somehow managed to go and comeback from a business trip without him even realising. He clears his throat and asks,  
"So how was...London?" he's only guessing but he hopes he's right.  
"It was Paris sweetie," she replies with a smirk, "but Katie tells me that you have good reason for forgetting so I'll let it slide".  
"What good reason?" Jensen asks as he glares at Katie.

“Well you and lover boy of course!” Jensen simply just blinks in confusion.

"Well, you're together aren't you?" Katie says with a grin, "Your mom was pissed that you didn't tell her!" Jensen just stares at her with a bewildered expression. She told his mother that he has a boyfriend? And his mother hasn't invited herself--

"She said she's coming over in a couple of weeks" Katie says

"Who's coming over?"

"Jensen's parents" Katie supplies helpfully as Jensen looks up at Jared, he looks a little tired even though he smiles at Jensen as he strolls over to his room, pulling his messenger back off of his shoulder.

 

"I'll make you a coffee!" Jensen calls, "And I got you those awful onion bagels that you like". Jared's reply is muffled but Jensen just assumes he's saying 'thanks'. He turns back and sees that Katie and Lauren are looking at him with raised eyebrows.

"Since when do you make coffee for anyone?" Lauren demands to know and Jensen pulls his face. He knows that he's in love and obvious but...he'll only ruin any relationship he enters into now. If that means that he has to become really stand offish to Jared then so be it.

"Since now," he replies as he realises that it wasn't a rhetorical question, "How do you take your coffee?"

 

He ignores their unimpressed looks.

  
  


It turns out that Jared is all for pretending to be Jensen's boyfriend. The irony isn’t lost on Jensen and try as he might, he just can't seem to talk Jared out of it. In fact he suspects that Jared is rather eager to this, not that he knows why. Or, well maybe he doesn't want to believe that Jared loves him too. Because _if_ that were true; it would complicate things. So he ignores all of those thoughts. But nowhere in the fake boyfriend manual does it say that Jared should accompany him to the airport and sing along to crappy pop songs on the radio. Not that Jensen really minds, it's kind of endearing. Which is exactly why he leans over and switches the radio off. Jared pouts for a few seconds and Jensen grumbles something about having a headache. Jared pats his knee gently and Jensen shakes his hand off. Jared stares at him for about a minute before he faces forward and sighs.

"So, what's the problem?" he says, "You've been weird with me for a few weeks now". He sounds a little upset and Jensen feels his heart lurch in his chest. The last thing he wants to do his hurt Jared, the sex and affection had been good but if this friendship is going to survive past that they need boundaries.

"We agreed to stop messing around with each other but you're always hugging me, touching me" he replies, "I was hoping that some distance would help you get the message". The look on Jared's face is like a knife to the heart. He looks stricken and angry at the same time and Jensen resists the urge to slap himself for being so damn harsh.

"Message received, loud and clear" Jared says coldly and Jensen puffs out his cheeks and exhales.

"Dude, it's for the best" he says but Jared doesn’t look at him. Needless to say, the rest if the Journey is silent.

 

:::::

 

Jared feigns sleep on the way home so Jensen's parents are relatively quiet.  They're having dinner at a restaurant in a few hours and Jensen would rather they didn't start on him then. He supposes that Jared's presence will make things a little easier.  Well, ~~so~~ as long as Jared doesn't act like Jensen is some sort of bad smell he wants to get rid of. Speaking of Jared...

 

"Hey, can you help me with this - Sandy always said that I couldn't tie one up to save my life" his voice is neutral so Jensen can't quite gage his mood.  The flare of jealousy at the mention of Sandy's name is easy for him to identify however. But he ignores it and does up the tie in silence. He can feel Jared’s hazel eyes on him and he steadily ignores it. When he’s done he steps back and grabs his own tie and starts to put it on.

 

“Seriously?” Jared says suddenly, “You’re really giving me the _silent_ treatment!” Jared sounds kind of surprised, like he was expecting things to be magically okay with them again and, well if Jensen stopped being stupid and told the truth then…maybe they could. However he’s not willing to take the risk, not willing to have his heart trampled on all over again.

 

He’s done with that.

 

:::::

 

Jared’s quiet on the way and Jensen can’t bring himself to ask if Jared’s going to be civil in front of his parents. It’s a stupid thought to have because technically, _he’s_ the one not talking to Jared but still. It’s not like he forced Jared to do this. Speaking of which, he pulls over abruptly, flipping the bird as some douchebag in a _freaking Smart car_ zooms past him blaring their horn loudly. Jared turns to look at him incredulously and Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose.

 

“This is stupid, I’m just going to call my parents and tell them that I’ll be late” Jensen says, Jared still looks confused so Jensen elaborates further, “You don’t need to do this, I…don’t need you to do this, it was a stupid plan. Just I’ll take you home”. He’s giving Jared an out here, and he hopes to God that the stupid, oversized man will take it.

 

He doesn’t.

 

“That’s the most you’ve said to me all day,” Jared muses as he places a gentle hand on Jensen’s forearm. Jensen fights the urge to shrug it off and just remains silent, “I remember what you said to me about the pressure your parents put you under so I just…I want to help. After this…after today, I’ll back off – I _swear_ ”. The only reason Jensen drives on, continuing their journey to the restaurant is because his Dad will have a bitch fit if he’s late.

 

It’s not because of Jared’s stupidly endearing puppy dog eyes.

 

:::::

 

Jensen’s mother waits until he’s 10 minutes into some pretty decent steak before she starts her questioning. He sighs and mentally feels his appetite draining away slowly. Couldn’t she at least wait for him to be done eating? He feels a nudge under the table and looks up to see Jared smiling at him reassuringly. It’s bittersweet because while he appreciates the fact that Jared’s here _even after_ he was a total asshole to him, it still hits him hard. This could be real, his heart wants this to be real. Jared tilts his head and sends him a questioning look but Jensen shakes his head and smiles back. Jared’s still looking at him suspiciously but Jensen turns away and starts poking at his steak.

 

“So, have you thought anymore about when you’ll finally finish your law degree?”  Jensen sighs. He’s been asked this question no less than a hundred times and the answer is still the same.

 

“No, not right now” he says through gritted teeth, ignoring the warning look his dad sends him. He can feel the disappointment pouring off the older man at the way he lives his life and the choices he’s made and he sighs.

 

“When was the last time you spoke to your brother and sister?” she changes the subject and Jensen immediately knows where she’s heading with it.

 

“A couple of weeks ago,” he lies but his mother glares at him disapprovingly and his father smirks at him as if to say _busted_. It’s not as though he’s ignoring them or anything but his mother will always twist his actions to meet her own agenda.

 

“See son, you’re so ashamed by the way you’re living – I mean, you work at a _bar_ for god’s sake, it can’t be healthy”. Jared splutters over his wine and Jensen wants to laugh at the shocked look on his face. His mother follows the direction of his gaze only to find that Jared’s recovered quickly from his shock. A shadow glances over her face and it’s like she’s just remembered that he’s there. Jared smiles at her politely as he dabs a napkin at the corner of his mouth gently. Jensen sighs again because he knows what’s coming.

 

“So, what do you do for a living Jason?” she asks and Jensen frowns, she knows his name, he knows she does but she’s just doing it to test out Jared’s “strength of character”. She does it with all of his boyfriends and Jensen’s never really felt as livid as he does now.

 

“It’s _Jared_ ” he practically barks and the three of them turn to look at him, “You were saying?” he continues on as normal and his mother at least has the decency to look ashamed though he’s surprised that he didn’t get hell for taking that tone with her. The look his father gives him tells him that it might be a bit delayed but it’s definitely on his way. He rolls his eyes and focuses on what Jared’s saying.

 

“I’m a teacher,” he says voice calm and steady, “I teach English at the local high school”. He grins shyly and Jensen can’t help the smile that tugs at the corner of his lips. He scans the table and sees that his parents are looking at Jared differently. Like the respect him, and he’s pretty sure that they _never_ look at him like that.

 

Oh.

 

From then on Jensen finds himself getting more and more pissed as Jared charms his parents with stories and jokes that Jensen’s probably heard before. Even his dad who’s usually stuffy and uptight tips back his head and laughs loud and hard. Jared was supposed to be here to _support_ him not show him up!

 

_Liar,_ the unhelpful voice in his head says, you’re _just mad because you want this to be real._ Well whatever, Jensen’s just fed up. Matters aren’t helped when Jared excuses himself and goes to the bathroom,

 

“He’s such a nice young man,” his mother says, “You’ve done well for yourself”.

“Hopefully, this one will stay” his father adds, _very unhelpfully_ in Jensen’s opinion and he just huffs and grumbles under his breath. He calls for the check soon after that and sighs when his father argues about who will pay. It’s the same crap every time. He’s not a lawyer like his brother, so he can’t _afford_ to pay. Or hell, he’s not a _medical student_ like his sister so he can’t afford to pay. He’s put up with it for years on end and tonight he just snaps. He throws the bill down in front of his father and growls,

 

“Fine, you pay! I’m out of here” and he stands up and walks briskly over to the front of the restaurant. He glances back and sees that Jared is up from his seat but still saying something to his parents. With a huff he flings the door open, glaring right back when the woman who escorts people to their seats gives him an angry look. He all but runs over to his car and slams the door shut. He regrets the fact that he was the one driving and therefore had been on water all night. Lord knows he could do with a strong drink like that.

 

A few minutes later, the door opens and Jared gets in and slams the door shut behind him, he turns to Jensen and opens his mouth to say something but Jensen raises a hand and says,

 

“Save it for later” tiredly as he puts his starts the car, pulling his seatbelt on as the engine roars to life.

 

He definitely does not see the crushed look on Jared’s face.

 

::::

 

Jared apparently doesn’t grasp the fact that “later” meant _never_ and an hour after they came back he barges into Jensen’s room without knocking. Jensen is under his duvet and is _not_ feel sorry for himself despite the fact that he’s currently making his way through someone’s girly box of chocolates. Jared’s changed out of his fancy clothes and is in a ratty white t-shirt and sweatpants and Jensen can’t help thinking that Jared had looked _really_ hot at dinner and that he still looks hot know.

 

And, he’s doing it again. Jared’s messing up his system and he just says whatever comes into his head,

 

“Go away”. Oh. It’s not really his intention to be rude to Jared or to hurt him but Jared’s just as stubborn as fuck and he won’t let up. Jared glares at him as he walks and an perch’s on the end of Jensen’s bed. He looks tired and Jensen can’t help the twinge of worry that he feels. Not that he’s helping any, hell he’s probably the problem.

 

“What have I done now?” he says and there’s definitely and edge to his voice that Jensen’s never really had directed at him before and an idea springs into his mind. He’ll make things up with Jared later, when all of his…feelings aren’t so fresh but what other way is there to put some real distance between them than to anger the other man?

 

“You showed me up in front of my parents, Jared! The one reason why I took you along and it was like I wasn’t even there, like I wasn’t worth of their attention or respect because I’m not at some stupid law school busting my guts all day long” he realises as he’s saying it that it’s true. He resents Jared a little for the easy way his parents warmed up to him, “You heard what they said and…you didn’t even defend me, you just let them fawn all over you like the attention whore you are!”

 

“Jensen!” Jared gasps as if he can’t quite believe what Jensen is saying, “I-I didn’t know that I was supposed to say-“

 

“Some boyfriend you are” Jensen interrupts with a snort, pushing himself up so that he can look at Jared. Jared’s head is bowed down so he can’t really see his face but he waits patiently for a response.

 

“Look, I just didn’t want to get into your business, that’s all – it’s not my place to tell your parents anything”.

 

“As a _friend_ Jared, you could have told them that I’m not actually doing some deadbeat job in a deadbeat bar” now it’s was Jared’s turn to snort and what the fuck? Did Jared actually _agree_ with his parents?

 

“You could so much better man, you’re smart and ambitious enough, maybe they’re right, and maybe you should go back to school”.

 

“I _like_ working at the damn bar!” Jensen doesn’t care if he’s yelling now, he did not expect this, not from the man he l—not from Jared, “I can’t believe I’m hearing this”. Jared looks a little guilty and Jensen feels some click inside his head. Those conniving, meddling—“They put you up to this didn’t they? And you were too nice to say, no – Jensen’s happy as he is!”

 

“But you’re not are you!” Jared’s voice has risen too, “I thought that maybe that’s why you’re always so down because you’re not happy with where you are, that’s what they said to me”. He sounds sincere enough so Jensen just feels his shoulders sag as he simmers down a little.

 

“I’m sorry though, I shouldn’t have listened to them” Jared apologises and Jensen just deflates even further, “I wasn’t going to say anything, just well at least that’d get you talking to me”. So, Jared wanted to anger him into talking and he’d want to anger Jared into leaving him the hell alone.

 

God help them both.

 

“Well it doesn’t matter now, anyway” he says warily, “You can go now”. Jared scoffs and says,

“Chad was right”. Jensen blinks in confusion because if Jared is talking about the Chad he’s thinks he’s talking about then those words should never be uttered. Ever.

 

“About what?” he says when it becomes clear that Jared’s not going to continue without being prompted, “What could that asshole possibly be right about”.

 

“You were using me for just for kicks, to scratch whatever itch you had and then tossing me aside when you’d gotten bored”.

 

“I…. _what?_ ” Jensen says as he becomes even more irritated than he already is, “Like you didn’t use me as your fucking rebound!” It’s obvious that this conversation is going nowhere so Jensen switches out his light and allows the room to plunge into darkness.  “Get out” he says coldly and Jared makes a frustrated noise before he throws his hands up into the air and stands up, taking a few steps towards the door,

“Fine!”

“Good” Jensen says rather pointlessly but that child urge to get in the last word is strong and it just tumbles out of his mouth. Jared huffs and leaves the room, slamming it behind him and Jensen’s halfway through breathing a huge sigh of relief when the door flies back open and Jared sticks his head in and growls,

“Guess everyone was right about you, you _are_ an asshole!” and he slams the door – again as Jensen’s heart beats in his chest rapidly.

 

So much for having the last word.

 

 

~*~  
  
They're at Chad's birthday party, for some reason. Jensen’s hung out with Chad enough times to know that he doesn't like hanging out with Chad. But the only reason he's at this thing is because he can't say no to the overgrown puppy that leads a double life as Jared-freaking-Padalecki. It's the worst kind of torture watching him and his girlfriend fawn all over each other. Not to mention the fact that they give off a very awkward vibe when they're together.  
"I feel like I'm at a frat party" Katie says as she watches them from across the room. He just shrugs as he swigs from his beer bottle. It's weird that he's even here, it's not as though he even friends with Chad. But somehow Chad had gotten a hold of his number and invited him and he hadn't said no.

 

It was mostly because of his masochistic urge to see Jared. Who was making out with...whatever her name was.

"Why am I here again?" Katie says as she sniffs at her plastic cup of 'punch'. Jensen wonders why it is that Chad deems it necessary to have punch at his party. He turns away from Jared to face Katie, grinning at her as he replies,

"You're here as my date!" She rolls her eyes as she finally discards her punch onto the food table beside them and sighs dramatically,

"And why are you here when you could be out there dating some hot guy who's not going to stomp all over you heart".

"He's not doing that," Jensen says in Jared's defence because none of this is the younger man's fault, "We both knew what we were getting into after all, hell I was the one who ended it". Katie just huffs and rolls her eyes,

"He's to blame too, what he did and said to you was low, and he hasn't even said a word to you in weeks, yet here he is flaunting his clingy girlfriend at his best friends party". Jensen just smiles at her sadly before turning to watch Jared laughing with his girlfriend. The rush of pain that fills his heart tells him that he needs to leave now before something embarrassing happens. Like, full on public crying _embarrassing_. He offers Katie a ride but she declines in favour of sticking around so she can give him the lowdown on Jared. He tells her that won't be necessary but she insists. He's halfway out the door when a hand grabs his forearm.

"Hey man, hold up" Chad says as they step outside of the apartment and Jensen frowns. He and Chad have always had a very turbulent relationship based on how Chad had acquired his phone number.

 

“You didn’t reply my texts, man” Chad says obnoxiously and Jensen just sighs,

 

“We’re not friends Chad”.

 

“Sure we are, and even so, we have some common ground here and I need your help” Chad glances towards the door, as if he’s afraid that someone will hear, “You need to help Jared get away from you’re little replacement, she’s driving me nuts, hell _he’s_ driving me nuts – you know she has him on this whole _vegan_ health-kick?”

 

“Sounds awful,” Jensen says as he pulls his face, “But it’s not a good reason for him to just, break up with her?”

 

“So, what was his reason for breaking up with you then?” Chad asked and Jensen made a frustrated sound,

 

“We were never ‘dating’, okay. It was just….we got carried away and I put a stop to it” he explains and he hates that look that Chad gives him in return, a raised eyebrow like he can see Jensen’s inner most thoughts and knows that he’s talking bullshit.

 

“We all thought that the two of you were just clueless but now it’s obvious that your morons”. Before Jensen can respond, the door swings open and Jared pops his head out,

 

“C’mon, Chad, you’re missing your own party—“he cuts off when he sees Jensen standing there with Chad and nods at him. For some reason, it sets Jensen off.

 

“Finally acknowledging my existence again?” he snarls and Jared just gives him a nonchalant shrug,

“I could care less, I was just trying to be civil, something you kinda lack”.

 

“Whatever!” Jensen says as he walks away. It’s raining lightly as he jogs away over to his car. Idly he remembers reading about a storm maybe happening tonight but he shrugs it off as he unlocks his door.

 

The rain gets heavier five minutes after he pulls away from the curb and he turns on his windscreen wipes as the rain pelts his car violently. Of course his windscreen wipers give up within five minutes because today apparently isn't his day. It's only a twenty minute drive home and even though Jensen knows that he should stop he keeps on going. He knows these streets like the back of his hand, what could go wrong in ten minutes?

 

:::

 

Well, him crashing into a goddamn tree for one. He'd swerved to avoid hitting another vehicle and had mistimed the angle and his car had ended up being dented by a frickin' tree trunk. As he sits there, he hears a squeaking sound and looks up to see the wipers working.   _Fuck his life._  Someone pulls over and asks if he’s okay, and he tries to cover up the embarrassment he’s feeling by nodding and smiling enthusiastically so that the nice lady can kindly leave him the fuck alone. But he feels pain flare up across his head just as she points out the fact that he’s bleeding.  Which is just what he needed. She offers to drive him to the hospital and he acquiesces because his head is just starting to hurt even more. He calls the emergency number for the tow service and is assured that someone will be along to pick up his now damaged car.

 

On the way to the hospital, it only occurs to him then that he should call someone. He pulls out his phone and scrolls down and hits call when Jared’s name pops up. He tells himself that he was really scrolling down to ‘K’ and that only because his head is screwed up. Jared answers on the second ring, and Jensen winces as the loud throb of the music echoes down the line into his hears. Fucking Chad and his fucking _abysmal_ taste in music.

 

“Uh, I’m on my way to the hospital” he says just as the music disappears suddenly and he hears a door slam before Jared says,

 

“Wait, what – hospital? Why, want’s wrong?”

 

“Car crash” Jensen says because he’s not even in the mood to elaborate, “Just…meet me there; okay I’m going to need a ride home”.  And he hangs up, it’s not his brightest moment but he feels like shit and he’s not in the mood for talking.

 

~

 

The nurse is just stitching the cut when Jared rushes in with his _girlfriend_ hot on his heels. Jared doesn’t say much until she leaves and then he rushes over to Jensen and puts his hand on his face, tilting it up so he can see the damage. Jensen wants to brush him off but he can’t help himself from leaning into the touch.

 

“I’m just going to…wait outside” Jared’s girlfriend says but Jared doesn’t even pay her any attention, he turns to Jensen and demands to know what happened,

 

“I crashed my car into a freaking tree, it’s not a big deal” Jensen grumbles as he shakes Jared’s warm hand off his face and stands up, looking for his jacket, “They’re discharging me, said I was lucky to be getting away with a cut and mild concussion”.

 

“Concussion?” Jared echoes, “And, of course it’s a big deal! What’s the matter with you, you could have been killed!”

 

“I’m surprised you even care” Jensen mutters as he shrugs his jacket on.

 

“Of course I care, you idiot, I’m _in love_ with you!”

 

Oh.

 

~*~

 

The journey home is a tense affair, with Jared’s confession hanging over his head.  Jared’s girlfriend is driving them back on account of Jared having one too many drinks back at the party and Jensen’s frowns when she smiles at him through the rear-view mirror. If it was a “keep your hands of my man” kind of smile, he’d probably be less creeped out but it’s not. It makes Jensen feel uncomfortable and he finds himself trying to break the atmosphere.

 

“Thanks guys, for uh, picking me up” he says lamely and Jared just mumbles something that sounds like ‘anytime’ and the frosty atmosphere returns. He can tell that Jared’s upset, mostly because Jensen had all but laughed at his heartfelt confession at the hospital.

 

_“You’re not in love with me, don’t be ridiculous Jared – you have a girlfriend?” Jensen says with a snort and Jared’s face falls, his eyes wide and full of disbelief._

_“Look, that’s – I can explain!” Jared says and Jensen just frowns,_

_“Well I’m not really in the mood for your explanation right now” he says before he walks out of the room leaving Jared staring after him dejectedly._

 

It’s not that he doesn’t want to believe Jared, it’s that he can’t. Theoretically, if Jared loves him and he loves Jared….there’s nothing stopping that. But Jensen’s scared, scared that he’ll lose the one person who understands him more than anyone, scared that he’ll lose his friend (well, if he hasn’t already). But…there’s a voice inside his head nagging him. If he’s so sure of their friendship, so desperate to hold onto it then…maybe he can believe in the two of them together. Believe that if it doesn’t work out they’ll be strong enough not to lose each other.

 

He can't help wondering if his parents were right. Maybe he's throwing his life away. He works in a bar after all. What if that's not good enough, sure now it'll do but one day Jared might expect more. Not that he's thinking that far ahead or anything. His phone beeps and he shifts around as he pulls it out of his jean's pocket. It's a voicemail from his boss Jeff and he frowns a little.

"What is it Jensen?" Jared asks his eyes trained directly on Jensen's face.

 

“Nothing” he says tiredly as he turns to stare out of the window.

 

~*~

 

They don’t talk much when they arrive back at the apartment,  Jared’s girlfriend doesn’t come in with them and Jensen can’t help the remark he makes when he sees Jared sitting on the couch on his way to getting a glass of water.

 

“You know,  you could have invited her in, I wouldn’t have minded” he knows that he’s ignoring the _elephant_ in the room but he can’t help it, right now it’s just easier for him to not focus on any of it until his head is clearer. He knows Jared though, and those are definitely his “I’ve had enough of this shit” shoulders.

 

“Sit down” Jared says and Jensen mentally scolds himself for saying anything at all. He seriously considers just going back into his room but he just walks over and sits in one of the armchairs. He’s not sure where Katie is so he makes a mental note to text her as soon as he’s done with Jared.

 

“Where’s Lauren?” he asks and Jared shrugs,

“Asleep probably, her car’s outside,” He turns to look at Jensen, his face suddenly breaking out into a nervous expression, “So…about what I said, did you…did you really mean what you said about not…”

“Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow…” Jensen starts to say before Jared cuts him off with a stern,

“Just answer the question!”

“What does it matter, you have a girlfriend!” Jensen splutters, not really understanding how Jared can be doing this after what went down with Sandy. So he’s honestly shocked when Jared laughs in response. It’s a sad, quiet little laugh and Jensen can’t help feeling confused.

“Look, she’s not actually my girlfriend,” Jared says, “It was a ruse to make you…jealous”.

“A what?” Jensen says, a little dumbfounded by what it is Jared’s trying to tell him. Make him jealous?

“It means trick of deceive” Jared explains and Jensen glares at him,

“Yeah I _know_ what it means, what I want to know is what _you_ mean?” Jared clears his throat and Jensen finds himself being oddly transfixed by the sight of his adam’s apple bobbing up and down, so much so that he almost misses what Jared says next.

 

“I don’t do casual sex, or friends with benefits or anything like that you know? I want to be in a stable relationship with someone that I care for and love, but…you made it clear that you didn’t want any of that after what happened with your ex so I was willing to go along with it for as long as you’d have me—Just let me finish” Jensen snaps his mouth shut and nods for Jared to continue.

 

“But then out of nowhere, you just ended things and I agreed with you, I mean I didn’t want to mess up our friendship either but it just made me realise that I wanted to be more than just friends and I spoke to Gen – the fake girlfriend – and she said that I should try to give you some subtle hints”.

 

“That’s why you kept on draping yourself all over me?” Jensen cuts in with a smirk and Jared just gives him a flustered smile and mutters,

 

“I’m kinda on a roll here” and Jensen mimes sealing his lips and throwing away the key and Jared laughs at him. It kind of symbolises everything he’s been missing over these past couple weeks, Jared’s laugh and smile…just Jared. He can’t help the hope and happiness that blooms inside him and he realises that he’s really interested in what Jared wants to say. He wishes that he’d been honest and revealed his true feelings way before it ever came to this because him and Jared? They could never be a bad thing. They’ve just always clicked and…maybe just this once, he should stop trying to look for excuses and ways that it won’t work out. Maybe he should just accept the fact that they’re both _in love_ with each other.

 

_In love._

 

“You love me” he murmurs, not really focusing on Jared’s face. He’d heard Jared’s words before of course but it’s like he’s just realising that it’s true, hell he _is_ just realising it. It’s a heady feeling that leaves him a little off kilter and he just….accepts it.

 

“Yes, I do…” Jared says placatingly and Jensen looks him in the eyes and takes a deep breath before he replies,

 

“And, I love you too”. Jared’s eyes widen almost comically and Jensen starts to feel unguarded and he turns away and shrugs, “Maybe I should go to bed now”. Jared seems to realise that Jensen’s pulling away because he leans over and grabs his hand. Hand holding isn’t really Jensen’s thing but well, it’s _Jared_ so he doesn’t even attempt to pull away.

 

“Wait,” Jared pleads, “I’m sorry, it was just – I thought that you didn’t…I mean you know that l love you back, you don’t need to afraid of me”.

 

“Sorry I’m just, worried about letting all of my walls down so easily,” Jensen says with a sigh as he grips onto Jared’s hand before letting go gently, “I _do_ love you”.

 

"You're not just saying that are you, because it's okay if you don't. I mean I'm not trying to force you into anything" he rambles and Jensen can't help laughing.

"I would never do that," he says once he's sobered up, "I've been in love with you for a while, it's why I ended things with you...I was scared. I swore to myself that I was done with relationships for good".

"I can understand that," Jared replies, "But where does that leave me?" he sounds a little apprehensive and Jensen tries to go over what he'd just said inside his head. He's never been good at talking through relationships, it's like he has all the right words inside his head but they get all scrambled when he has to say them out loud. 

"Well you're the exception, hopefully the last one" he says, hoping that Jared understands what he's trying to say.

"We've both been pretty stupid over this" Jared says and Jensen can tell that he's unsure about what to do next. Before the atmosphere can get too charged he jokes,

"I don’t know I wasn't the one with a fake girlfriend..." he ducks as Jared stretches over and tries to hit him playfully. The movement is followed by a wince when pain reverberates through him.

"You should get some sleep," Jared says, "Doctor's orders!" Jensen would rather stay up all night preferably making out with Jared but he's starting to feel a little out of it.

"Join me?" he asks and Jared's face breaks out into a huge dimpled grin and Jensen can't help reciprocating. "I don't think I'm up for anything much tonight" he warns and Jared just shrugs and looks down, his long, brown locks falling into his eyes.

"I was thinking that we could take it slow this time, I mean - I want to do this properly".

"Yeah, me too and I agree - slow is good" Jensen replies, feeling pleased with himself when Jared's smile returns. He starts making his way over to his room and he's almost reached the door when Jared grabs him from behind and pulls him into a slow, long and sensual kiss. It leaves them a little breathless when they both emerge for air.

 

::::

 

It's the grand new opening of Jensen's new bar. Turns out that Jeff had been looking to sell the place and he'd offered Jensen first refusal, said that Jensen had always had an eye for the business. He'd been surprised at first because he'd never actually considered owning his own bar. But if he had to pick between going back to law school to pursue he'd never really been interested in and having a business that he believed he had a genuine chance of running successfully he’d chose the latter every time. He’d been a little apprehensive at first but Jared had said that he wouldn't know unless he tried. So here he was, ready to unveil his brand new bar. He hadn't changed much. Mostly because most of his funds had been eaten up by the actual sale but his parents had given him free reign over his previously abandoned college fund and he'd borrowed some of it. He had every intention of paying it back even if they'd insisted that he didn't have to.

 

"What are you doing back here?" Jared asks as he wraps his arms around Jensen from behind. Jensen leans into his embrace and smiles,

"Just thinking" he replies as Jared holds him tighter, "And why are you back here attempting to squeeze me to death".

"They said I should I get my ass back here in case you were nervous, I tried to tell them that you were past that stage". Jensen laughs as he remembers his freak-out in the early hours of the morning. Jared had been teasing him ever since not that Jensen really minded; it had been a little bit funny.

 

_Jensen whistles nervous as he carries on flipping his…well it’s supposed to be pancakes but he’s not quite sure what he’s actually got in front of him. Let’s just say that he’s not the best cook in the world. He’s not nervous; he’s just restless and can’t sleep. The sound of his phone ringing startles him a little and he just gives up and turns off his cooker. It’s Jared of course and he rolls his eyes fondly,_

_“Stop freaking out, make sure all your appliances are switched off and go and get some sleep”._

_“What’s the point, I’m not ready for this, maybe I should just call the whole thing off and just-“_

_“Okay, just wait there – I’ll be over in 10 minutes”._

_“Jared, you don’t have to—“_

_“See you in 10 minutes Jensen”. There’s a click and Jensen can’t help the smile that spreads on his face._

 

"I was just thinking" he says, "About how everything seems to be falling into place for once, it feels pretty amazing".

"you're amazing" Jared replies, nuzzling into Jensen's neck. Jensen pulls out of his embrace and mock glares at him,

"No distractions!" but even as he's saying it he's leaning in to kiss Jared. It's shorter than he'd like, but he has a bar to reopen. He grabs Jared's hand and tugs him forwards. Jared gives his hand a quick squeeze before they walk over to the door. As they walk through it he can't help feeling as though they're walking into a new beginning.

 

 


End file.
